8 and Counting…and Deidra…and living

She and I have been engaged in our love process for well past 8 years, but a part of the human condition is to look at the calendar and quantify what something hould be, so I guess we can agree that 8 years under the sight of our Lors, is how long she has been my all.

She has been something more than that for almost twice as long, as she has occupied so many spaces in my left I have rarely any emotional room for roles that she has not made herself comfrotable in.

And when I consider that i met her those years ago, and grew a need for her in my life….well, I’ve often resented need, but in this instant I felt complelled to make an exception. For her…I would make every exception.

I met her those years ago, and thought not long after that I havent known any like her, and I still feel that she has been here on this plain of existence many times before, and that I probably knew her once or twice before, because we have always been very familiar.

So i imagine that loving her was the natural progression of having met her again, or this time, because there is no telling what my next incarnation would be, so I grateful that she met this one, and that I was allowed to cross paths with her again, and most grateful that she has allowed herself to fully engage in the love process that has been our relationship for many more than these last eight years

And our son, our child makes these jokes that only we, and he, and a few of you really get, but that fits, because no one fully gets us, wel a few of you do. Chris and Tiara most certainly do, but some of you are pretending to get the joke, which is okay. Because they are days where she and I sit quietly, and even chuckle a little, because we keep winning, and our love is somewhere in the details of that punchline.

Because she is far more lovely through and through than I could imagine I would ever have for myself, since I learned early on that love often comes laced with pain of one kind or another, but not in this case. No, here, for more than these eight years I have known only confusion, then happiness, and loneliness, and concern and tumbling into the well of the knowledge that another has simply and completely chosen to love you unconditionally.

She has walked with me in my emotions, and they are rather like a hurricane, and instead of looking around at the damage or wondering when it shall pass, she merely stepped in and made herself a sturdy structure, built to ride them out. I am grateful for that.

What I have had these years, more than 8 of them, is the chance to live and grow in the body of a love that is very much like the sun, in that it simply gives, and is…I know that at all times it is there, and there is no word that we as a kind have to best describe what that feels like, we are limited in that way

What I woke up knowing years ago was that I wouldnt bother with keeping time in my relationship with her, as i am too occupied with the learning what our love is becoming as we change and grow as being, even moreso than lovers. Not the romanticized lovers who lust from across the room, but the kind who simply know, through and through, that their life courses can be traced together, which is what love need be if you intend to live in it, after all.

So i send my love to her, as we mark this 8th year of what they would say has been our marriage, but what we would say has been our deal, our agreement to remain in love for as long as that mercurial emotion would have us. And if love decides to ever leave us, we have agreed to choke the shit out of it before moving on. We, she and I, are very much that way, and I am grateful to her for sharing herself with me, and some days when i am low, infusing me with our bond, and making this all worth it.

It may feel like 8 to you, but she and I have simply been holding hands and talking for a few short days.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s